Acceptance Doesn’t Mean I Agree

Life gets a whole lot messier than finding an empty shelf at the supermarket.

People will make decisions that directly affect you and the direction your life takes. Sometimes those decisions are completely beyond your control.

When I was going through my divorce, my attorney constantly reminded me that I should make my own decisions before the judge had an opportunity to make them for me.

He explained that once the decision was placed in the judge’s hands, it was no longer mine.

I could agree with the outcome or think it was completely unfair. It wouldn’t matter. I had surrendered my ability to choose.

In a strange way, it reminded me of drinking.

Before I take the first drink, I still have a choice.

Once alcohol enters my system, that choice begins disappearing. I lose the ability to make rational decisions. Most of the time, I choose to keep drinking even when I know exactly where it will lead.

Eventually, I end up with alcohol poisoning, and the decision about whether I survive is no longer mine.

My body decides.

God decides, if that is what you believe.

Either way, I’m no longer in control.

That is why the first decision matters so much.

Life isn’t always easy, whether you’re an alcoholic or not.

Most people have situations at work they disagree with. Management makes decisions we would handle differently. We may clearly see a better solution, but that doesn’t mean we have the authority to make it happen.

Sometimes we must follow decisions we didn’t make and don’t support.

We also live in a country where many people strongly disagree with whoever was elected. Whether we like it or not, those people now have a set amount of time to prove to us—and to the people who elected them—that they are worthy of the positions they hold.

They can make major decisions that affect our lives.

I know I disagree with plenty of decisions made by politicians, regardless of which aisle they pretend to stand on.

I’m allowed to talk about those decisions.

I’m allowed to disagree.

I’m allowed to speak up.

What I cannot afford to do is become completely consumed by it.

Obsessing, complaining, and living in a constant state of outrage will not give me control over the situation. It will only steal my peace of mind and probably make everyone around me miserable.

Some things are simply beyond my control.

Acceptance does not mean I approve of them.

It does not mean I have to remain silent.

It does not mean I become a doormat and allow life to walk all over me.

Acceptance means I recognize the situation as it actually exists—not as I wish it existed—so I can decide what is mine to do next.

I’m dealing with exactly that kind of situation at work today.

I don’t have enough workers to complete everything that needs to be done daily and weekly. I have asked for additional help on more than three occasions.

Nothing has changed.

I also have people I must answer to besides the management team making these staffing decisions. Those people are unhappy. I’m unhappy. Work that used to get done is no longer being accomplished.

I would love to make it right.

I would love to hire a couple of people and get everything running smoothly again.

I would also love to jump in with both feet and do more of the physical work myself.

But physically, I can no longer do that.

That is the reality of the situation, whether I like it or not.

I can continue voicing my objections and concerns when appropriate. I can clearly document what isn’t getting done and why. I can manage the worker and resources I have been given to the best of my ability.

Then I have to leave the staffing decision in the hands of the people responsible for making it.

I cannot personally manufacture two employees.

I cannot destroy my body attempting to compensate for decisions made above me.

I cannot accept responsibility for work that cannot reasonably be completed with the manpower provided.

I can complain and whine about it every day, but that won’t change anything. It will only make me and everyone around me miserable.

So, I choose to do what I can and accept the situation.

That doesn’t mean I think it’s right.

It means I understand what belongs on my side of the street.

I had to do something similar during my divorce.

With the guidance of a professional, I chose to give a little more than I believed was fair so I could maintain some control over the outcome. If I had allowed the judge to decide everything, much more might have been given or taken than I was willing to risk.

I made the best decision available to me under very difficult circumstances.

I was not happy with the outcome.

I didn’t think it was fair.

I certainly didn’t like it.

But after a while, I accepted it.

It was a long and horrible experience that could have ended much sooner and far more amicably. Unfortunately, sometimes people want what they want regardless of the cost.

I couldn’t control that person.

I couldn’t control the court.

I could only decide how I was going to respond and which choices I was willing to make before those choices were taken away from me.

Acceptance allowed me to move forward.

That is what surrender means to me today.

It isn’t giving up.

It is giving up the fight against reality.

There are times when I should advocate for myself, speak honestly, seek professional guidance, or challenge something that isn’t right.

Then there are times when I have said what needs to be said, done what belongs to me, and must stop allowing the outcome to occupy every inch of my brain.

Knowing the difference isn’t always easy.

That is why I need people in my life who can help me see situations clearly.

I need to talk things through. I need people who aren’t as emotionally attached to the outcome and can help me separate what I can control from what I cannot.

I truly believe we were never meant to do this thing called life alone.

Acceptance is easier when someone helps me see reality without all the anger, fear, pride, and resentment I’ve piled on top of it.

I don’t have to like what is happening.

I don’t have to pretend it is fair.

I only need to accept what is true, determine what is mine to do, and make the best decision I can while that decision is still mine to make.