DON’T DRINK, GO TO MEETINGS, AND BE A GOOD HUMAN

Reading today’s Reflection, all sorts of things started popping into my head.

Living life on life’s terms has not always been easy for me. I haven’t always done the right thing or asked the right people for help. There have been plenty of times when I allowed my emotions to make decisions that should have been made with a clear head and guidance from people I trusted.

I didn’t always listen to my sponsor. Sometimes I didn’t even call him because I already knew what he was going to say—and I didn’t want to hear it.

I’ve been selfish and foolish on more than one occasion. I’ve made terrible financial decisions that could easily give me a reason to sit around feeling sorry for myself.

As for the things I’ve started and never finished, that list is long.

I’ve made plenty of impulsive decisions. Honestly, I think some of that may be connected to ADHD. Not that I ever got evaluated, sought treatment, or discussed it with anyone.

Why would I want to do something sensible like that? 🤣

I’ve bounced from one thing to another throughout my entire sober life. The other side of that is that I’ve done a lot of different things. Some lasted for years. Some lasted for about fifteen minutes before I moved on to the next great idea.

I’ve tried countless times to create a side hustle from something I genuinely enjoyed doing. Over the years, I discovered two things:

First, building a side business while working full-time and raising a family is really hard.

Second, doing something you love can be a lot of fun—until trying to make money from it ruins the fun.

Whenever I think about this part of myself, I’m reminded of Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners. He would come home with another harebrained scheme that was definitely going to make him rich. Alice would finally get fed up and explain exactly how ridiculous the whole thing was.

For a moment, Ralph would look distraught and ashamed.

Then, in his very next thought, he was already coming up with another idea.

Yup. That’s been me.

But do you know what I haven’t changed?

My sobriety or AA.

For some reason, I have always trusted that AA works and that it is exactly what it is supposed to be.

Don’t get me wrong—I’ve complained about it plenty.

Because, of course, I know better. 🤣🤣🤣

There have also been many times when I was alone and faced with a decision. Nobody was watching. Nobody would know what I chose. In those moments, I had to decide whether I was going to live honestly or return to being the person I used to be.

I can honestly say I chose the right path about 95 percent of the time.

I can’t say 100 percent.

I’m no fucking saint, and I’ve never claimed to be one.

What I can tell you is that I have faced life-altering decisions that I believe could have led me back to drinking if I had chosen the wrong path. Sometimes those decisions were enormous. Other times, they were as simple as getting out of the car and setting up a meeting because I said I would.

One particular incident happened when I was first getting sober.

ATM machines were different back then. They didn’t beep until you removed your card, and they didn’t make you enter your information again after every transaction.

One day, I walked up to an ATM and discovered that somebody had left their card in the machine—with the account still open and available.

Back then, you could withdraw $500 from each account every day.

I stood there for quite some time trying to decide whether I was going to steal $500 from a complete stranger.

Nobody was watching. I probably could have taken it and walked away.

Instead, I begrudgingly hit the eject button and turned the card in to the bank.

I say “begrudgingly” because I don’t want to make myself sound more spiritual than I was. Part of me absolutely wanted that money.

But I didn’t take it.

That is the kind of decision making that kept me sober. I believe that was a turning point for me. That was one of those spiritual awakenings that happen from time to time.

From the beginning, it was drilled into me that I should treat people exactly the way I would want to be treated. I have lived with that thought rattling around inside my head ever since.

I haven’t done it perfectly.

What I have done is stay sober.

Sobriety gives me the ability to recognize when I’m being a shithead and make amends. I believe that is a huge reason I continue to stay sober. It is also why I can go to sleep at night without tossing and turning over all the stupid things I did that day.

Growing up in AA hasn’t always been easy.

There have been many times when I’ve been ashamed of a decision I made or the way I treated someone. Growing up in public is hard.

Being human isn’t always easy.

One thing I believe many people in AA get wrong is attributing every thought, feeling, and behavior to alcoholism.

“I feel this way because I’m an alcoholic.”

“I did that because it’s what alcoholics do.”

Maybe sometimes that’s true.

But how about this possibility?

Maybe I feel that way because I’m human.

I’m just another garden-variety human being who happens to have alcoholism. Being a sober alcoholic doesn’t give me an escape from being human or from experiencing all the feelings, emotions, mistakes, fears, and insecurities that come with it.

So no, I haven’t lived perfectly.

What I have done perfectly, right up until the second I’m writing this, is stay sober.

That gives me the opportunity to embrace my humanness and continue striving to become the best human being I can be.

I’m not trying to become the best alcoholic.

I’m trying to become a good human.

The only way I believe I can do that is by staying sober. Left entirely to my own devices, I will eventually turn back into a miserable, selfish, thieving asshole who cannot stop drinking and drugging.

So, I’ll keep it simple:

Don’t drink.

Go to meetings.

Be a good human.

soberthroughtheyears.com

#soberthroughtheyears #Genx #AA #AlcoholicsAnonymous #Recovery #Sobriety #Integrity #OneDayAtATime