How to Get Sober and Actually Stay That Way

I am not a doctor, a counselor, or an expert on anything except my own life. What I have is thirty-eight years without a drink and a very clear memory of how badly I did this at the start.

If you are looking for how to get sober, here is what I know.

Start with your body. If you have been drinking heavily every day, quitting cold on your own can be genuinely dangerous. Withdrawal from alcohol can kill people. Talk to a doctor or a detox facility first. I spent ninety days in rehab, and before that I had been in the hospital more than once, including the time I ruptured my esophagus throwing up. Do not gamble with this part.

Then get in a room. Meetings are free, they are everywhere, and there are online ones running at every hour. You do not have to speak. You do not have to believe anything. You just have to sit there and listen to people describe your own head back to you.

Get a phone number, then use it. We were told to call another alcoholic every single day, even when nothing was wrong. We asked why. The answer was always the same: you make the call every day so that when you really need help, picking up the phone will not feel so difficult. That advice saved my life more than once.

Take direction from someone who has what you want. My sponsor had zero tolerance for my excuses. That is exactly what I needed. Left to my own thinking, I did things my way, and my way ended with my head in a garbage pail.

Move a muscle, change a thought. AA is an action program. Go to the meeting. Help the newcomer. Make the coffee. Give somebody a ride. Every time I helped someone else, it helped me more than I could understand at the time.

Do not wait for the crisis to build your support system. Build it on the ordinary days. Trying to make friends while your life is falling apart is a lot harder.

Expect to be human. Sobriety does not transform you into the person you want to be. It gives you the opportunity to do the work required to become that person. I still get things wrong. I still hate admitting it. The difference is that today I can stop, take responsibility, and choose what happens next.

Here is the part people do not want to hear. It is not complicated, but it is not easy either. Getting sober takes willingness. Staying sober takes continued attention and action, essentially forever. The disease is patient. It will wait.

And here is the part worth staying for.

My original sober date was December 1, 1987. I drank again doing things my way, and it became January 23, 1988. That was the last time. Almost thirty-nine years later I have a life I could not have imagined from inside that sickness.

You do not have to do this alone, and you should not try.

Find a meeting today. Not Monday. Today.