Wherever I Go, I Bring Me With Me

There is something about going away that can make us feel like the normal rules don't apply.

We're on vacation.

We're somewhere nobody knows us.

No work tomorrow.

No normal routine.

Different city.

Different country.

Different hotel.

And somehow our brain decides:

Well... technically this isn't real life. 😂

I understand that thinking.

For me, though, one of the things I've learned over the years is that wherever I go, I bring me with me.

Unfortunately, there is no baggage fee for that particular item.

My alcoholism doesn't care what ZIP code I'm in.

It doesn't care whether I'm sitting at home on Long Island or standing on a beach somewhere beautiful.

Getting on an airplane doesn't magically turn me into somebody who can suddenly drink normally.

Trust me, if geographical cures worked, AA meetings would probably be held exclusively at airports. 😂

Early in sobriety, traveling could definitely feel strange.

Let's face it, everything felt strange at first.

Everything was new.

Just doing laundry was tough for me in the beginning.

I hadn't done my laundry without drinking in quite some time.

That's the strange thing about getting sober.

It isn't only the big things you have to relearn.

You basically have to re-experience life sober.

Laundry.

Dinner.

Weekends.

Vacations.

Parties.

Being alone.

Everything.

And it isn't only traveling that can wake up that old thinking.

What happens when your wife or husband goes away and suddenly you're home alone?

Nobody is watching.

Nobody is expecting you somewhere.

Nobody to answer to.

That was another trigger for me.

Truthfully, I didn't need much for that demon inside my brain to wake up and start making suggestions.

A lot of the traveling I did in early sobriety was with friends from AA.

We went camping.

We went skiing.

Both were things I had never really experienced sober.

Actually, let's face it.

There wasn't much of anything I had experienced sober.

We were learning how to have fun again without alcohol being the main event.

And we took recovery with us.

We would find meetings while we were camping or away for a ski weekend.

The old-timers told us to hit some meetings while we were away, so that's what we did.

Whether we liked the suggestion or not. 😂

That's something my group of friends had in common.

We were serious about staying sober and getting happy.

We didn't understand everything the old-timers told us.

We certainly didn't agree with everything.

But a lot of the time we did it anyway.

My first overseas trip was St. Martin on my honeymoon.

We were both sober.

Before we left, we looked up AA.

There was a meeting there, so we went.

Everybody welcomed us.

And I discovered something pretty incredible.

You can walk into an AA meeting almost anywhere and somehow feel like you're home.

Different country.

Different room.

Different people.

Sometimes a different language.

But the message is familiar.

A bunch of alcoholics trying to figure out how to live without drinking.

Home.

There were also trips over the years when getting to a meeting just wasn't possible.

So I brought recovery books with me.

I'd read.

I'd do whatever I could to stay connected to the program.

That was our technology.

Pack the books. 😂

Today?

Completely different world.

With the internet, online meetings and social media, we can stay connected practically 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

That's nothing to sneeze at.

I actually think we take it for granted sometimes.

We are incredibly lucky.

If I wake up somewhere thousands of miles from home and need some recovery in my head, it's right there.

I can read something.

Listen to something.

Talk to somebody.

Find an online meeting.

Connect with another alcoholic.

In many cases, we can take our daily medicine without ever leaving the house or hotel room.

Think about how incredible that really is.

That doesn't mean I think online connection completely replaces in-person meetings.

I don't.

I still believe getting your ass into the rooms and sitting with other alcoholics face-to-face is one of the quickest ways to start building a sober life.

There is something about physically walking through that door.

Meeting people.

Getting phone numbers.

Having coffee.

Finding a sponsor.

Having somebody look you directly in the eye and say:

“I've been where you are.”

You can't completely duplicate that through a screen.

But I also recognize how fortunate I've been geographically.

Where I live, we probably have hundreds of meetings within twenty miles.

Not everybody has that luxury.

Somebody living in a rural area may have one meeting thirty miles away.

Somebody traveling may have none nearby.

Somebody may physically be unable to get to one.

Today those people don't necessarily have to be completely disconnected.

That's a huge change.

And it's an incredible gift if we use it.

Now, I'm not saying that if you go on vacation you HAVE to go to meetings.

That's one of the greatest things about AA.

You can do whatever the fuck you want. 😂

AA makes suggestions.

We decide whether we're going to follow them.

I can only tell you what worked for me.

And I will say this:

A solid number of those friends I got sober with are still sober today.

We got married.

Had kids.

Bought houses.

Built careers.

Raised families.

Somehow we became respectable members of society.

Who saw that coming? 😂

We also lost some people along the way.

We went to funerals.

And every one of those funerals reminded the rest of us that alcoholism wasn't something we wanted to start taking lightly.

It made us think.

That could have been me.

That still could be me if I forget what I'm dealing with.

At home, we develop routines.

Meetings.

People.

Places where we feel comfortable.

Travel removes some of that structure.

And vacations can be incredibly alcohol-centered.

Airport bar.

Drink on the plane.

Drink by the pool.

Drink with dinner.

Drink after dinner.

All-inclusive resorts practically seem offended if you're not drinking enough to financially damage them. 😂

I remember sitting at a swim-up bar once and ordering a virgin colada.

The bartender started laughing.

“Come on, man. You're on vacation. Have you found Jesus or something? You should let loose.”

I told him:

“I have absolutely no desire to see the inside of your prison system.”

He nodded.

Conversation over. 😂

There was absolutely no reason for me to explain myself any further.

That's another thing I've learned.

I don't owe anybody my entire recovery story because I ordered something without alcohol in it.

Everybody tells you:

“Relax!”

“Let loose!”

“You're on vacation!”

For a normal drinker, letting loose might mean having a couple drinks and going to bed.

That wasn't exactly my specialty.

My version of letting loose occasionally came with consequences.

So somewhere along the way I had to understand that being on vacation doesn't mean being on vacation from recovery.

Especially in the beginning.

If I needed a meeting, I found one.

If I needed somebody, I called.

If something didn't feel right, I paid attention.

But something else happened as the years went by.

Travel stopped being something I had to protect my sobriety from.

Sobriety became the thing that allowed me to really enjoy traveling.

That's a huge difference.

I've been fortunate enough to take some incredible trips over the years.

Some with Kris.

Some with family.

Some with friends.

And when I look back, those are some of the memories I value most.

The places.

The meals.

The ridiculous things that happened.

The conversations.

The things we saw.

The experiences we shared.

And here's the really nice part:

I remember them.

😂

I don't have to wake up in a hotel trying to reconstruct the previous night.

“What did I do?”

“Who did I piss off?”

“How did we get back here?”

“Where the hell is my wallet?”

That's not exactly the souvenir package I'm looking for anymore.

Sobriety gave me the ability to actually be present for my own vacations.

I can wake up early.

Go exploring.

Drive somewhere.

Spend the entire day doing things.

Have dinner.

Come back to the hotel.

Go to sleep.

And wake up the next morning without feeling like somebody beat me with a shovel.

Turns out vacations are considerably better when you aren't recovering from your vacation every morning. 😂

There is another thing I've come to appreciate.

I don't need alcohol to make an experience special anymore.

A beautiful place is enough.

A great meal is enough.

Laughing with Kris is enough.

Sitting somewhere I've never been before and just taking it all in is enough.

That wasn't always true for me.

There was a time when alcohol had to be included in practically everything.

Celebration?

Drink.

Vacation?

Drink.

Dinner?

Drink.

Bad day?

Drink.

Good day?

Definitely drink.

Apparently alcohol had appointed itself activities director of my entire life.

Recovery fired it.

And somehow life got much bigger.

Today I can go anywhere in the world and still carry recovery with me.

A meeting room is great when I can get to one.

A book works when I can't.

And today, because of technology, an entire recovery community can fit in my pocket.

That's something people getting sober today have that we didn't have.

Use it.

Don't take it for granted.

Because whether I'm sitting in my living room, camping in the mountains, skiing somewhere, lying on a beach or halfway around the world, the basic facts don't change.

I'm still an alcoholic.

I'm still sober today.

And wherever I happen to be doesn't change either one.

There is enormous freedom in that.

Recovery didn't make my world smaller.

It opened the whole damn thing up.

I can go anywhere.

See anything.

Experience everything.

And actually remember being there.

That's a pretty damn good travel benefit.

No points required. 😂