Stopping the Fight

SOBER THROUGH THE YEARS

Sober since January 23, 1988.

Just a guy at the table sharing what’s happened to me.

STOPPING THE FIGHT

AROUND THE RECOVERY WORLD

74th Southern California AA Convention

The 74th Southern California AA Convention wraps up today at the Westin Rancho Mirage Golf Resort & Spa in Rancho Mirage, California.

This year’s theme is “Get Your Spiritual Kicks in 2026,” with AA meetings, speakers, fellowship, service activities and Al-Anon participation throughout the weekend.

The convention has been bringing members together around Unity, Service and Recovery for more than seven decades.

Source: Southern California AA Convention

Running for Renewal

Yesterday, October 17, the inaugural Running for Renewal 5K and one-mile family walk/run was held in Little Elm, Texas.

The event brought together people in recovery, family members and community supporters while raising awareness about addiction, mental health struggles, trauma, grief and recovery.

I like seeing events like this because recovery doesn’t only happen inside meeting rooms. Sometimes simply allowing people to show up publicly and say that recovery matters helps break down some of the shame surrounding addiction.

Source: Town of Little Elm / Running for Renewal

New Hampshire Al-Anon/Alateen Convention

Looking ahead, the 40th New Hampshire Al-Anon/Alateen Convention will be held October 30 through November 1 in Nashua, New Hampshire, with AA participation.

The gathering brings together families and friends affected by alcoholism for meetings, speakers and fellowship.

Source: New Hampshire Al-Anon

The One About Matthew Perry

Netflix will release its three-part documentary series The One About Matthew Perry on October 27.

The series looks beyond Perry’s career as Chandler Bing on Friends and examines his years of addiction, his openness about recovery and his work advocating for other people struggling with substance use.

People close to Perry, including friends, colleagues and people he met through recovery, tell his story.

Source: Netflix

SOMETHING WORTH READING, WATCHING OR LISTENING TO

The Way Out: Service and Sobriety

The Way Out sobriety and recovery podcast recently featured Alysse Bryson of The Sober Curator.

The episode centers around a very old recovery idea that still works pretty well: helping somebody else gets us out of ourselves.

Bryson talks about honesty, community, Twelve Step recovery and why service has remained an important part of staying sober.

Source: The Way Out Podcast

Sober Confidential

Pop Buchanan’s memoir Sober Confidential was released earlier this year.

Buchanan, founder of Sober Is Dope, writes about grief, alcohol, relationships, spirituality and more than thirteen years of sobriety.

What interests me about stories like this isn’t whether somebody’s path looks exactly like mine.

Usually it doesn’t.

The interesting part is recognizing that moment when someone finally realizes that what they are doing isn’t working anymore.

That part tends to sound pretty familiar.

Source: Sober Confidential / Apple Books

FROM AA HISTORY

MARTY MANN

Marty Mann remains one of the most important figures in the early history of alcoholism recovery.

She entered AA in 1939 and became one of the first women to achieve lasting sobriety in the Fellowship.

But her influence eventually extended far beyond AA.

In 1944, Mann founded the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism, which later became the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence.

At a time when alcoholism was still widely viewed as a moral failure, Mann spent decades publicly arguing that alcoholism was an illness and that alcoholics deserved treatment rather than condemnation.

Her public work also created an interesting tension with AA’s tradition of anonymity.

Mann sometimes identified herself publicly as an alcoholic and a member of AA while advocating for alcoholism education. That helped spread awareness, but it also contributed to early discussions about where AA ended and outside public advocacy began.

Her contribution remains enormous.

She helped change the way America talked about alcoholism.

THIS WEEK’S REFLECTION

STOPPING THE FIGHT

Admitting I was powerless felt like defeat at first.

That probably isn’t surprising.

I had spent years trying to win a fight that was rigged against me.

I kept thinking that if I just tried harder, changed the circumstances or somehow got more disciplined, I could manage my drinking.

Different rules.

Different promises.

Different places.

Same result.

When I first encountered Step One, I probably treated it like something I had to admit so I could move on to the rest of the program.

Okay. Powerless. Got it.

What’s Step Two?

It took me much longer to understand that Step One wasn’t something I passed.

It was something I had to live.

And after all these years, I’ve realized something else.

The need to control things didn’t disappear when I stopped drinking.

I can still fight traffic.

I can fight people at work.

I can fight decisions I don’t agree with.

I can fight circumstances that already happened.

And being a father of adult children gives you an entirely new collection of things you would occasionally like to control.

Good luck with that.

Sometimes I start thinking that if I can just get everybody to behave correctly, according to the plan I have developed completely without their permission, then I’ll finally be comfortable.

That usually works about as well as my old plans for controlling my drinking.

The result is exhaustion.

Resentment.

Frustration.

And that familiar feeling that the entire world would operate much better if everyone would simply listen to me.

The problem is that I don’t own the script.

Stopping the fight isn’t some great spiritual achievement for me.

It’s practical.

There are things I can change.

There are things I can influence.

And then there are things that are simply not mine to control.

Acceptance doesn’t mean I approve of everything that happens.

It doesn’t mean I become passive.

And it certainly doesn’t mean I stop caring.

It means I stop arguing with reality long enough to decide what I can actually do about it.

Sometimes there is something I need to do.

Sometimes I need to have a difficult conversation.

Sometimes I need to apologize.

Sometimes I need to make a decision.

And sometimes the only thing left for me to do is accept that the outcome belongs to somebody else.

That can still be uncomfortable.

After nearly 39 years sober, surrender does not always arrive accompanied by peace and soft music.

Sometimes surrender looks like me being aggravated and finally admitting, “Okay. This isn’t mine.”

But once I stop fighting reality, I usually have a lot more energy available for living in it.

Maybe that’s one of the lessons Step One has continued teaching me.

Powerlessness isn’t always defeat.

Sometimes it’s simply recognizing which fights were never mine to win.

RESEARCH WORTH WATCHING

Recovery Housing Expansion in Texas

UTHealth Houston researchers are moving forward with a major statewide expansion of recovery housing through the HEART initiative.

The project is supported by up to $25 million from the Texas Opioid Abatement Fund and is intended to expand access to Level II and Level III recovery residences for people recovering from opioid use disorder.

The program also emphasizes housing that supports people receiving medications for opioid use disorder rather than excluding them.

The project began its implementation phase this year and is expected to operate for at least three years.

Source: UTHealth Houston

Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention

A 2026 pilot randomized controlled trial in Hong Kong examined mindfulness-based relapse prevention for adults recovering from illicit drug use.

Eighty-one participants took part.

Researchers found that the eight-week program was feasible and generally well accepted by participants.

Because this was a relatively small pilot study, the researchers were primarily testing whether the approach could realistically be delivered and studied in this population rather than proving that it was superior to standard treatment.

That distinction matters.

Recovery research often begins with promising small studies. The useful question is what larger and longer studies eventually show.

Source: Addiction / Chinese University of Hong Kong

BEFORE I GO

There is a strange amount of freedom in admitting that I am not responsible for controlling everybody and everything around me.

I’m responsible for my actions.

My honesty.

My effort.

My side of the street.

That’s already plenty.

The rest of the universe seems determined to operate without consulting me.

So far, it has managed.

See you soon. 😊

soberthroughtheyears.com

#soberthroughtheyears #Genx

— Guy