Sober Through the Years: The Fog Lifts in Small Increments

A NOTE FROM GUY

I've been thinking lately about how we expect our heads to clear up the minute we put the plug in the jug.

I remember sitting in meetings early on looking at guys with five or ten years sober, and I was convinced they'd had some kind of brain transplant. My head was still all over the place. I figured I had probably fried the circuits permanently and these people knew something I didn't.

It's been over 38 years since my last drink on January 23, 1988, and one thing I've learned is that the "restore us to sanity" part of Step Two didn't happen to me overnight.

It happened little by little.

Somewhere along the way I stopped reacting to every problem like the building was on fire. I became a little less interested in proving I was right. I got better at admitting when I was wrong. Things that once felt like the end of the world eventually became things I could deal with.

I still have crazy thoughts.

I just don't have to turn every crazy thought into an action anymore.

That's progress as far as I'm concerned.

AROUND THE RECOVERY WORLD

Matthew Perry Documentary Coming to Netflix

Netflix has announced a three-part documentary series, The One About Matthew Perry, premiering October 27. The series includes interviews with people who knew Perry personally, including his sister, and looks at his life, career, addiction struggles and the legacy he left behind.

Perry talked openly about addiction during his lifetime, so I'm interested to see whether the documentary treats that part of his story honestly instead of turning it into another celebrity tragedy.

Source: https://www.netflix.com/tudum/articles/the-one-about-matthew-perry-release-date-news

Recovery City Screenings

Recovery City had several Massachusetts screenings this week in Cambridge, Natick and Sudbury.

The documentary follows four women connected through addiction and recovery in Worcester, Massachusetts. What caught my attention is that it isn't just about getting sober. It looks at families, stigma, incarceration, recovery coaching and people trying to rebuild their lives.

That sounds a lot closer to real recovery than tying everything up neatly with a bow.

Source: https://www.lisaolivieri.com/recovery-city-screenings

Union County

Union County, starring Will Poulter and Noah Centineo, continued its limited theatrical run this month.

The movie follows two brothers involved in a court-mandated drug rehabilitation program in rural Ohio. Much of the supporting cast includes people with real-life experience around addiction and recovery, which gives the movie an interesting connection to the people actually living this stuff.

Source: https://www.ifccenter.com/films/union-county/

K-HOLE: The Ketamine Documentary

A new documentary called K-HOLE premiered in Hull, England this week.

The film looks at ketamine addiction through people who have lived it, family members and professionals dealing with the physical and psychological damage that can come with heavy use.

Ketamine gets talked about quite a bit these days for different reasons, so I think hearing from people dealing with the ugly side of addiction to it is worth paying attention to.

Source: https://wrdnews.org/ketamine-related-harm-hull-premieres-k-hole-documentary/

FROM AA HISTORY

There wasn't some huge AA anniversary this week, so instead of trying to manufacture one, I went back to something basic.

The Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, was first published in April 1939. AA says its purpose was to show other alcoholics how the first 100 people in the Fellowship got sober.

Dr. Bob's last drink was June 10, 1935, the date AA recognizes as its founding date.

Source: https://www.aa.org/aa-timeline

I sometimes think about how lucky I was that I didn't have to invent any of this.

There were people before me who had already figured out that one alcoholic talking honestly to another alcoholic could accomplish something that nothing else had been able to accomplish for them.

By the time I got here, there was a book. There were meetings. There were sponsors. There were people who had actually done this thing.

My job wasn't to improve it.

My job was mostly to shut up long enough to listen.

Some days I'm still working on that part.

THIS WEEK'S REFLECTION Restoring Sanity

In the beginning, I thought being "restored to sanity" meant I'd never have a crazy thought again.

I expected that once I stopped drinking my judgment would sharpen up like a fresh pencil.

It didn't.

I was still the same guy, just without the anesthesia.

I still wanted to scream at people in traffic. I still thought a project going wrong meant the world was ending. I still wanted things my way, preferably immediately, and preferably with everyone agreeing that my way was obviously the best way.

Apparently alcohol wasn't responsible for every one of my charming personality traits.

What I've learned is that sanity came back in tiny, almost boring increments.

I started noticing that I could admit I was wrong without feeling like I was going to die.

That was a big one.

In the old days, admitting I was wrong felt like some kind of surrender of my entire identity. I would argue ridiculous positions long after I knew I was wrong because God forbid another human being walk away thinking they had won.

Today?

Sometimes I'm wrong.

It's Tuesday.

Life continues.

I still get it wrong. I still have days when my head starts spinning and I'm convinced I know better than everybody else.

Apparently 38 years sober doesn't make you immune to being an asshole.

The difference today is that I have somewhere to go with it.

I can call somebody.

I can go to a meeting.

I can admit I was wrong.

I can make an amends.

I can do the next right thing even while my head is telling me something completely different.

Sometimes the next right thing isn't terribly impressive.

Make the coffee.

Go to work.

Listen instead of talking.

Help put the chairs away.

Call somebody.

Go home and get some sleep.

I used to think recovery was eventually going to turn me into somebody who had life figured out.

It didn't.

What it gave me was a way to live when I don't have life figured out.

I don't know if that's anybody else's definition of sanity.

It's good enough for me.

BEFORE I GO

I don't have anything profound to wrap this up with.

Most of what keeps me sober today looks remarkably similar to what people told me when I first walked through the doors.

Don't drink today.

Show up.

Tell the truth.

Ask for help when I need it.

Try not to make everything about me.

And when I screw something up, deal with it instead of running from it.

Apparently I needed 38 years to discover that the simple stuff is still the simple stuff.

See you next week.

CRISIS RESOURCES

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988 SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)